What to do if a bug flies into your ear?

Um... this answer is (Most likely) a lie, so if you REALLY need to know, then I'm not the person to ask. Here:

Take an earplug and put it in the ear the bug is NOT in. You do NOT want to push the bug farther in. Take a pair of fine tweezers and begin to reach inside the ear the bug IS in. Careful not to touch the ear. If the bug crawled in backwards, and his head is in the front, reach the tweezers in and try to either, A, squish his head into gruesome, MUSHY, PUTRID ICKY PIECES OF...You get the idea. OR B, pull his head straight off! That's all there is to it! You're done! Well, almost. Now, If the bug has crawled in frontwards, and you're looking at his big, buggy bottom, then do the above steps to his fat, deserving behind! Doesn't that just make you sssSSSOOOO happy?!? Now, be warned (this is why we put the earplug in), that bug will be SCREAMING, YELLING, SCREECHING in pain, so the patient will have sore ears afterward. Now that the IMPORTANT "BUSINESS" has been done, carefully pull the fat, ugly, revolting little tick out of the poor boys ear, and CHUCK IT OUT THE WINDOW!!! HAHAHA!! TAKE. THAT. YOU. IDIOTIC. BUG!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I'm done now. Sorry, I HATE bugs.