When you have a very healthy sex life is it a form of abuse when you say no yet feel obligated to be intamit to avoid fights an confrentation with your spouse?

In my opinion, yes. I don't see there's anything wrong with occasionally being persuaded even if you're not particularly in the mood - but occasionally is the operative Word here, and you have a right to expect the same give-and-take from your partner. However, if you've said "no" and your spouse won't take that for an answer, that's really a whole different ball game (as it were...). Having sex just to avoid a fight raises major, major red flags about your partner's expectations of the relationship. Sex should be a joint effort. A conversation where only one person talks is not a conversation; sex where only one person wants to do it is not healthy. Are there any other areas of your relationship where you're expected to go along with stuff just to avoid a fight? This attitude doesn't go away, it only gets worse with time, as one partner starts to expect the other to go along with more and more things to keep him/her happy.