What does it feel like to be gay?

It's not the same for everyone.

When you don't know it yet, it's a feeling of confusion, of fear, and of inadequateness. You feel you don't fit in, but you don't know why. Often, it goes along with people making you feel you're different (picked on, bulllied, laughed at...)

When you know it but don't accept it, it's very stressing. You want it to change, but don't know how (as it can't happen), and you're very afraid of what it's gonna change for you. You're all life projects, especially family hopes, are fading away. You're also afraid of the reaction of your parents, and family and friends. You're afraid that you're not gonna be yourself anymore, but someone else. Some people also have religious concerns, but I don't know much about that.

When you just have accepted it, it exhilarating. You have a whole life to re-create. Your tastes, your habits, your friends, you feel all can and must be changed. It's also the moment you tell others, and it generally goes medium well. Nobody stops talking to you like you were afraid (but sometimes you siblings or parents), but some people feel uncomfortable, betrayed or very curious. This changes, if you have not been outright rejected, will slowly fade away, and things will return to normal when people have realised you are still basically the same. Sometimes your relationship with people gets stronger, as you have been through a tough change together. Sometimes you lose them, or the relationship is hurt forever, or a long long time.

At last, you finish the change process, and either you go back to be the same (a bit older), or you like the new self you have created, and you keep it. In this case, you probably have changed most of the people around you. In both situations, you live a life that is not that different from others. You work, watch tv, hang out with friends. But you know you have to be cautious sometimes, like you have a secret identity to hide. Some gays never fully accept, and are very secretive. Others make it a main part of their life, and live a crazy sex, drugs and techno life. Most are just like everyone else.

As for how it goes in society, it depends very much on where you live, and what social category you belong to. If you're highly educated in a big western world city, you don't see any difference. If you are blue collar in a small town of a conservative place, it's hard, as people really treat you as a freak on a daily basis.