Aunt Kitty's Cattle Drive Baked Beans were first made during a Cattle Drive that was organized by Aunt Kitty in the late 20th century. She created them as a means of feeding the masses when the Kettle Korn King of South Carolina failed to show at the Atlanta State Fair. There were, unfortunately, too few hogs to slaughter, which served as the original plan (Hog Dogs) to supplement the Kettle Korn King's corn. Aunt Kitty, under immense pressure, traveled into the Forbidden Forest to dig up Legume Root, which was the secret ingredient in her baked beans. Kitty dug a hole in the ground, put in all the special ingredients, covered them with molten lava, and then buried it for six weeks. When she returned at the end of the six weeks, with a chisel, hammer, and hairdryer, she painstakingly excavated the baked beans. Having enough to feed the famished frontiersman, she returned to the State Fair/Cattle Drive. Much to her chagrin, the frontiersman were undeniably dead. They had starved without her baked beans. Even more unfortunate, she had a surfeit of baked beans. The surplus was then canned in The Great Canning of 1999. You can pick up your can of Aunt Kitty's Cattle Drive Baked Beans at your local Piggy Wiggly for $5.99. The upcharge is due to the molten lava and excavation costs she incurred a mere three decades ago.
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