What did jimmy cross never forgive himself for?

Jimmy Cross never forgave himself for the death of Ted Lavender, one of his soldiers, during the Vietnam War. He felt responsible for Lavender's death because he had been preoccupied with thoughts of Martha, a woman he loved, instead of fully focusing on the safety of his men. This guilt haunted him, leading to a deep sense of failure as a leader and a soldier. The burden of this guilt affected his actions and decisions throughout the war.