Will even the most nice subtle manipulaters hurt you physically if they realize you are starting to understand their gaslighting and other abuses?

Absolutely!! If the abuser thinks you are on to them and you point it out, it can escalate. Any form of abuse can. It may start with name calling, or nit picking, silent treatment, you name it. Abusers do not like their faults pointed out. They don't think they are abusing you. The minds work alot different than ours. If you ever feel threatened...leave. My husband is verbally/emtionally abusive. He has never hit me, shoved me..nothing physical. I have been going thru this for 17 years. I know at anytime he could turn physically abusive. I don't kid myself about that. I leave the house if I feel that threatened. Which has only been a couple of time. Just stay smart and safe.

Most abusers are not physically violent. The best predictor of future violence is past violence.