How do you stop screaming?

Toddlers and children often scream to get their own way. But through parenting, they learn other ways of dealing with frustrations and not getting what they want all the time.

Teenagers and adults who find themselves screaming a lot need to identify what emotions they are feeling just prior to screaming, and while screaming. Some possible emotions:

• fear
• frustration
• anger
• feeling personal injustice or mistreatment

Fear often gets covered up by anger. Feeling mistreated often brings strong anger to cover feelings of vulnerability. Being vulnerable immediately takes away anger. I'm scared speaks a different language and doesn't involve screaming.

If from frustration and anger, you need to figure out if your anger is legitimate--or is it like a child who cannot get what they want? If it is the latter, you'll have a lot of work to do to stop feeling entitled. But if your anger is legitimate, you'll need to figure out why your wants/needs get ignored.

Try speaking softly, even if angry. Try using fear Words, to see if they fit better than angry. "I'm scared about tomorrow. I'm afraid my friends will laugh at me because I cut my hair." That is different than, "I hate my friends--they ALWAYS criticize me!" Saying the fear, first, immediately brings down the anger.