Why is it so difficult to get over a relationship with a narcissist?

Im going through the same thing you are. I know it sux, but im finally over him! I just took up writing all my problems down and just went over everything he has ever said to me and i finally relized that everything was just bull crap to him i did'NT mean nothing to him. My problem and most girls as well they all think that they did something wrong and "if i only treated him better i would still be with him" But i did'NT do any thing wrong. And im sure you didnt either. All they are in it for is fun and just thank god that your not with him anymore because now you can start over and make a new life for youself a way better one too. Just stay strong and just remember that you could'NT have done any thing to make this happen! And try to find a better honest sweet guy there are some of them out there still just have hope and be aware of the ppl you get involved with and think to yourself "do i really need to put myself through this again" cuz you and me both diserve better than that. See ths is how i see it hes gunna be doing this forever while your happy and have moved on to bigger and better things. I just feel sorry for the next victim. Love, Peace and chicken grease! :)

AnswerA simple answer to the questions is this: The narcissist has no feelings of their own, but they need feelings from others to survive, like emotional vampires. One way to get this supply is to 'push the right buttons'. They instantly seek out week points and while charming at times they make you feel that any problem is YOUR fault. They create a vicious cricle of dependence, little by little crushing your self-esteem and confidence so that any fight is all but driven from you. A good analogy would be heroine, a first people take it to feel good but it has such a devestating effect on the body that once withdrawal sets in they need to take it to stop feeling 'bad'. A relationship with a Narcissist/Psychopath can be like this, at first it feels good, the praise, the kindness etc but suddenly it all turns and it is your fault. So for the rest of the realtionship you are on tip toes in order to stop him feeling bad and hurting you. Going cold turkey may seem hard to do and often the craving for the old relationship is still there, however do it, get away, run away and soon you will realise you are missing nothing positive, it was not your fault, and you are not responsible for other peoples problems. Wishing you well. Keep looking on the web, there is a great Yahoo group called Nacissists I don't have the link to hand but if you search I am sure you will find it easily.You are well rid. AnswerAfter 10 years living with a female narcissist, believe me, 'it ain't easy'! She was the perfect trophy woman...5ft 2in, blue eyes, hourglass figure (uh huh!), light brown hair with blond highlights... and I thought she loved me, or so she told me... I have been separated from her for about 2 months, and I have had no contact with her. She told me has "moved on with her life" and has completely isolated me from her and her family... I did have an occasion to cross paths with her, and it was nerv racking! My heart was racing, my stomach was churning, and I was shaking... Gee, think I still had feelings for her? even when she was seen kissing and hanging on her boss in public 4 or 5 days after I moved out... Hmmmmm I think she lied to me about her love for me? even after she told me her boss was a no good womanizer, and she would never get involved with him... Gosh, when I stopped by the house about 10 days later, i found clothes and shoes belonging to him in her closet??? and a photo of the two of them together on the wall... (in the ten years we spent together, she never hung or displayed a photo of us anywhere in the house we bought together)... Now that I am away from her, I begin to see how subtle and devious her abuse was. She teased me with her body just enough to keep my interest, and she paid just enough attention to me to keep me believing that she was still interested in "us"... while all the time she was flirting and teasing every male that she came in contact with. When I would begin to voice my protest, she had a VERY practical answer, and somehow made me feel guilty I was feeling jealous!... multiply this with the 10 years I spent under her 'thumb'(she was extremely adept at making all her arguments sound resonable and pracical) and I eventually would never argue or cross her... After all, I Love her, right? Yes I stil do love her, but I don't like her very much any more. I am not been happy with my physical raction to coming in contact with her, but time is the ony cure for the abuse I was put through. I may not have been bruising physical abuse, but it was definitely abuse non the less... She is a master at manipulation, and verbal judo. she could practically control everything I did, and she drained me emotionally... and the longer I stay away from her, the more I se what kind of control she had over me... I was no more than a paycheck and ranch hand, to keep the perfect home and property up for looks. Money and looks, the most important things in her life. thet is why she forced me to move out, I did not fit into her ideal life, I am a woman....Not a professional opinion, this is just an observation from someone who experienced it first hand....