How do you get out of ambient abuse once you are already a victim?

you cant if the doctor you trust put you to sleep and assaults you you stand no chance................I wish I had an answer for this but as pathetic as it sounds my Mother has done this to me for years and it took a lot of misguided and counseling and searching to even identify it but after reading the stages and realizing what was happening I'm still in the same predicament and fighting to get out of it. I married a physically abusive man short term that only made me that more of controllable I've been unable to have a relationship with anyone other than my children for 13 years because every positive relationship was so out of the norm and uncomfortable it terrified me and all i can do is get angry with myself because I'm still under her control I have to accept the lies no matter how blatant i can't express an opinion without being accused of something wrong with me and trying to be argumentative and aggressive. I've sought counseling and psychiatric help for years and came to many frustrating brick walls because the term and process of ambient abuse is unknown by virtually every counselor out there. They don't know how dangerous it really it is how profoundly it can effect you. Soon you do it to yourself they don't even have to be there. I"m going to school but still financially dependent and of course the closer i come to finishing the more volatile and let's pull the rug out before she stands on her own two feet it is. If there is a solution out there I wish I knew it and had the strength to implement....my isolation has been so profound I'm absolutely terrifed of intimate relationships you can identify the problem you think that would lessen it. It just deepens my frustration because I can't talk about it get out of it and it is almost impossible for anyone to understand they will just think I am ungrateful. I couldn't even describe the violent outbreaks the few times I tried to just stand my ground without raising a voice maybe just not backing up or pointing out a blatant lie without going along with it or a false memory i know didn't happen. If anyone knows of a solution or how to bring about more awareness on the subject I would love to know. Ironically my abuser identified what she was doing for me bringing up the term gaslighting....I went to look it up, I can't tell you the profound shock most of the time I would know it was her and then I would almost instantly doubt myself and tell myself it was me