How do you get both of your parents to realize how much pain they have put you through physically and emotionally?

I am sorry, but you might not be able to. Your priority should be to work on healing you. Abuse happens for many different reasons, but if the cause has not changed (alcholism stopped, mental illness treated, depression treated), then the parent may not be able to acknowledge your pain because of their own.

I would recommend seeing a counselor. You should tell the intake worker your story, so they can figure out how best to help you. You may have already done this.

An abused person needs emotional autonomy. They need to be able to move on. This means becoming a whole person. You may even realize a reason for the abuse that happened, although these are never excuses for it. And the child is never At Fault.

You need to exist in a state of differentiation (Bowen's Theory), so that seeing or thinking about your parents does not make you too emotional. For this, imagine two circles side by side. One circle is you (emotionally). The other circle is your parent. A state of enmeshment means that the two circles overlap almost completely, and you cannot exist emotionally outside of your parent's influence. In order to move on, you need to find ways to exist outside of what happened to you. This may mean finding friends who support you (but do not seek too much support from one individual). You may also find a sport, a hobby, or a job that you are really good at, to increase your self-esteem.

It may also mean seeking physical separateness from your parents, and not seeing them for a while. If these suggestions are difficult to pursue, please see a counselor.

Sarah Henderson