Do people turn thereselvs into mermen?

Why, yes, people do. First, you must go to Dumbledore. My name's Hermie, and I have a brother who turned into one.

Next, you must listen to 'Swallow' my Emilie Autumn. This is like some sort of thing that helps Dumbledore focus on turning you into a merman. No remixes. They can make you have one leg and one half-fin since Dumbledore likes to dance to remixes and he focuses halfway. Careful about that.

Then, close your eyes-he can't focus when your eyes are open. Afterwards, ta-da! You got a tail! No need to pee ever again!