Why are stones placed on a tombstone of a Jew?

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1. The Midrash Lekach Tov (Pesikta Zutra 35:20) relates that each

of Jacob's sons took a stone and put it on Rachel's grave to make

up Rachel's tomb. Here and elsewhere we learn that by placing

stones on the grave one participates in building up the tombstone.

In those days one did not mark a grave with marble or granite and a

fancy inscription, but one made a cairn of stones over it. Each

mourner coming and adding a stone was effectively taking part in

the Mitzvah of matzevah ("setting a marker") as well as a symbolic

levayat ha-meyt ("accompanying the dead"). Our present practice is

not stated, but appears reminiscent of this ancient tradition.

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2. The book Ta'amey Ha-Minhagim (The Reasons for the Customs, pp.

470-471) says, "We put pebbles on the grave to show that the

visitor was at the grave. It was a sort of calling-card for the

honor of the deceased, to mark that you have paid a visit." (See

also Orach Haim 224:8).

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A contemporary respondent, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, confirms this

custom, noting Eliyahu Rabba 224:7 as his source (Responsa Yabia

Omer IV, Yoreh Deah 35).