What happens if you push a bar of soap up your butt?

Well, honey, pushing a bar of soap up your butt is a surefire way to end up with a visit to the emergency room. Your butt is not a storage unit, and soap is definitely not meant to be used as a suppository. So, unless you're aiming for an awkward conversation with a doctor and a painful extraction process, I suggest you stick to using soap the old-fashioned way.