Anything good in life is either illegal immoral or fattening?

No. Charitable work and prayer aren't any, and have been found by some to be quite pleasurable.

Love isn't any of the above.

Well, actually, it can be fattening, but not always and never directly. Not the point.

Sports have been found to be pleasurable by some, and is none of the above.

Friends are none, unless they are criminals.

Frozen Yogurt is tasty, but isn't even as fattening as beef. Those are considered by some quite pleasurable.

Music, also, is none but is pleasurable to some.

Sex with a significant other isn't any, unless it is illegal sex or an illegal significant other (very few occasions)

Toys don't fit any, unless they're a handful of illegal or stolen toys. They're pleasurable to children.

It really makes you wonder what the hell the person who made up this idea was thinking, and what sort of life he or she was leading.