Why does the Bible say to love the sinner but hate the sin so you love the rapist but you cannot hate so you must love to hate being raped or tell him you love to hate being raped by him?

The Bible does not say any such thing.

The Bible says, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

I personally consider that attitude a misuse of scripture. Jesus also said, "Do not cast your pearls before swine." He never said not to evaluate people. Read the Bible instead of listening to mantras.