Do you need a licenses for a turtle?

This is a difficult question... Do you plan on taking your turtle to the movies, or out to dinner? If so, you will need to contact the TLA (Turtle Licensing Association)and obtain a license. Otherwise you surely will be arrested. However, if you plan on only enjoying the company of your turtle inside your house then a license is not necessary.

Beware: If your turtle becomes a neighborhood disturbance (eg waking the neighbors, barking at passing dogs) you may be contacted by the authorities.