What are some good speeches on alcohol?

One of the good speeches in alcohol is here:

My dear friends,

It's me, the alcohol! You know me for ages. I am here still to serve you. If you want to drink me a lot, drink a little. If you want to drink me a little, drink a lot. I am always at your service. But I am too notorious, I warn you. If you don't control me, I will control you. I am here to test your will power. If you drink once a while, I will be nice to you. I will protect you from all kinds of minor diseases like common cold, diarrhea, constipation and indigestion. If you abuse me often, I will revenge. I will kill you. You know, I don't want to be abused.