Why did God not give me a child?

You sound like you would have loved a child very much, and they would have been very lucky indeed to have you as a parent.

I'm not sure how old you are, or even if you're a man or a woman, but first of all, don't write yourself out of the baby race quite yet.

These days, western women well into their fifties are bearing healthy babies without any great risk. If you and your partner wish to keep trying, both of you should see a qualified doctor for fertility tests. Many fertility issues are easily solved; for instance, one of the most common - low sperm count - can often be rectified with baggy underpants and by turning the heating down.

Do be very careful about seeking any help outside your normal health service; there are a great many criminals and shysters who try to take advantage of people seeking help to have children, and they will leave you only with an empty wallet and an emptier heart.

If you're absolutely certain that there is no hope for you to have a child of your own, then there are many things to think about.

You ask why God did not give you a child; it sounds like you feel you are being punished. But the scriptures tell us that judgement comes after death; on the few occasions God punishes the living, there is always an angel or prophet to announce the reason for it to the wrong-doer.

God is all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing and God's will spans all time, from the first flicker of light to the final judgement. Perhaps God simply has a different plan for you, so lift your head high and tell yourself that you carry this pain so you can better do God's work.

While our Biology tells us powerfully that we need a child of our own blood, their genes are something we cannot actually see. What bonds us with our children is the feeling of having someone to love and care for, someone we can guide through life. We can adopt or foster and still find that love.

But there are other ways as well. Everyone has a child inside them (Freudians would call this the "Id"), and in the modern world, that inner child is very often in pain. By listening to people and offering advice or solace, or by teaching, or by campaigning for a cause, or by sharing your own problems and experiences openly, you can help them along with their lives and strangely, in time, you will find these total strangers can become like children to you, rushing to tell you their greatest achievements or to hold your hand when you feel low. One day, you may have hundreds or thousands of these children. They will love you every bit as much as a biological mother or father, and all without the 3am feedings and projectile poo.

Whether you are Jewish, Muslim or Christian, we are told God loves his children. Rather than try to understand why God didn't give you a child, when you are ready, consider instead how this might be a sign of God's love.

But first, take as long as you need to mourn the child you hoped for. Whether a wanted child is lost or never conceived at all, there is a set of hopes and dreams and seeds of love that have now passed away, and it's OK to feel sad about that. It's OK to grieve.