Individuals who are physical or verbal in nature have a set pattern. Many abusers can be charming; likable; win over family members of the person they are going out with. Little by little the abuser's pattern of control over their victim (and they are a victim of an abuser) can simply be as innocent as telling the prospective victim what to wear or not to wear or, telling the person what to order in a restaurant. The control at the beginning is so minor that the prospective victim is not even aware of it. The abuser will control with one hand and perhaps give gifts with the other leading the victim innocent to the fact they are starting to be controlled. It is a myth that poverty stricken individuals to uneducated people are abused and media noted individuals (and in all aspects of life) can be abused. Slowly the abuser segregates his victim from their family and friends and eventually, if they choose to live together or marry the abuser will be sure to live some distance away from the victim's family. As the months go on the abuser then psychologically works on his victim causing the victim to feel disorientated; guilty; demoralized and has a great lack of confidence. Sometimes the abuse is physical and 'the slap' at first, by the abuser, was a 'mistake' and the victim believes it will never happen again as the abuser has apologized, but it does happen over and over again and the beatings can become worse. If the couple should go out in public the abuser holds a tight rein and threatens the victim to act normal as if nothing were wrong. The victim always accepts what the abuser says because they do not want to be physically harmed. Some abusers can go so far as to threaten the person's life; that of any children they may have together or even the victim's immediate family. To the abuser the victim is chattel (their property) which they feel gives them the right to treat the victim as they wish. It is also a myth that only men abuse women, but the statistics are showing that women can also abuse men. Most men are brought up not to strike a woman and do not and it leaves the male victim in a difficult situation. Males are not the type that would tell friends that their girlfriend or wife are physically attacking them or verbally abusing them as men have basically been brought up as being the dominant one physically and only women are abused. So, the male victim is left to fend for himself and do the best he can. Like the female victim he will cover up any sign of abuse because of shame and the guilt of letting it happen. There are Abuse Centers for both women and men in many States and in Canada.
