Is it abuse if your husband calls you names makes threats and chooses his friends over you?

No, it isn't really considered abuse in the way that wife-bashing or marital rape would be, but you may want to talk to him about possible marriage counselling together, visiting a psychologist or psychotherapist for him, and even separation or divorce if these don't work. You should not just sit there and take it, as it is obvious that one or both of you are not happy with life as it is now.

YES it is abuse if he calls you names and swears at you - emotional abuse. verbal abuse.

being "irritated" by you in "normal" conversation is not abuse, it is his reaction to you and what you are saying. it is the actions he takes that are abusive. a person can be irritated by someone and not be abusive to them.