You caught your husband in a gay and bisexual chat you asked him if he was and he said no you just got a tos violation and it was from him in a gay chat w sexual content is he just curious or gay?

I would say he is at least curious about it. He may not know himself at this point. I have come across a lot of married men who have had an itch all their lives but didn't know what it was or where to scratch. Most men are raised with the expectation that they are straight. Everything they do or are taught reinforces this so wondering if they are gay never occurs to them. Some figure it out at some point and go exploring. I know it's hard to accept, but don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. He probably does care about you, love you for lack of a better Word, but this may be a part of him that he needs to find out about. He is of course going to deny it. Again, he may not know at this point what he wants or is looking for. If you are capable of doing this, tell him you want him to find out but to be honest with you about it. Getting mad or accusing him of doing something wrong is not going to help either of you. If he is, he is and always was, just didn't know it. I'm sure it's as surprising to him as it is to you. Depending on your relationship, you can work through it or at least accept it for what it is and move on with your lives. Not easy, but possible.