Why do people say they want people to understand them but then do not do anything to help explain themselves to others?

We all have an inherent need for love and affection from others, even though we don't always know how to obtain it. Everyone wants to be understood... and some of that understanding can come through explanation. Some of it can't. Relationships aren't college classes where you can give some lectures, have the other person ace the test, and then you've arrived. It takes time, attention, and understanding of some things that the other person can't verbalize for whatever reason... sometimes they haven't realized things themselves (not everyone is good at self-knowledge), and sometimes certain subjects are too hard to talk about, due to a trauma in the past.. or just too emotional to talk about without breaking down. People have to be dedicated to understand other people... patient, and committed. On the other side, it is an Excellent point that we need to externalize and work at knowing others. We can't just crawl into our shells and wait for other people to find us out. The answer here is that getting to know one another is an individual process. You can't take what works for one person and always expect it to apply to someone else. We have to work at being open to other people, so they can get to know us on a deeper level than mere aquaintance... and we also have to be patient and open when learning about others. It is a process we all need to work at, not something we can just have for wanting it.