How do you fall in love without losing yourself?

This is a little easier to answer than it first appears. If you are losing yourself, you are not falling in love. You are either in the throes of infatuation, or, if this is a long-term pattern in relationships, there may be a tendency toward co-dependence. If you are infatuated, welcome to the club; virtually everyone goes through it in the first stanges of a relationship. Infatuation can last anywhere from a few months to as long as 3-5 years; rarely it can last 7 years. If you have a tendency toward co-dependence, then you might want to consider heavy-duty help. Intensity of co-dependence varies a great deal, and I'm not suggesting that it is always an extremely serious mental health issue. But it IS a persistent issue and takes some motivated effort to overcome. You aren't loving someone else if you find yourself defining your existence around the other person. You might think of that approach as serving your own need to be needed as much more important than the two persons involved. A deeper love that includes a willing commitment to partner with another, even when the going gets tough, involves two people who have a clear and healthy sense of their own identity and the free choices that they make.