What to do when you love someone but you are not IN LOVE with them?

Here is an answer that I posted a week ago: It was many hundred of years ago, in the Middle Ages, starting around the 12th century that minstrels and troubadours first crooned about "true love." Certainly we must be aware that this notion of "true love" is being propagated by Hollywood and the media. "To find love across a (crowded) room (see first response) and meet the eyes of her or him", is but a fairy tale out of Richard Rodger's "South Pacific."

Let me assure you that there is no such thing as "true love." When we are intimate with another human being, whether we or they like it or not, we set conditions. Having been a marriage counselor for the last forty years, I find the notion of "true love" totally false but also, by those who believe in it, a detriment to any successful relationship. For reality is much more obstinate and trying. It does not allow a couple to luxuriate in the dreamworld of "true love."

Yes, "caring for each other", enjoying the mutuality of a healthy relationship, that will create familiarity and affinity, that will meld two lives together, should create the primary bond . Intimacy, the sharing of something of a private nature with another human being, that gives us a sense of belonging, will make us feel more secure with another human being. We must also develop a congruence of perception, of lifestyles, that allows us to see the world with similar eyes. But more than anything, our willingness to compromise, to make adjustment to conflicting interests and needs, is a "must quality" that all of us need to succeed in a relationship.

These are the qualities that matter. "Love is a many-splendored thing" is no more than a many-splendored illusion. Read more about Love and Relationships in Meyer's "Marriages, Shack-ups and Other Disasters or visit the website listed on the Bio Page.